How can a woman express her feelings to a man without pushing him away?
How can she communicate her feelings to a man so that he understands and doesn’t get defensive?
That’s what we’re going to answer today.
For many women, there are better ways of communicating their feelings to men than they are currently using.
This is especially the case when they are experiencing more intense emotions like frustration, anger and hurt.
The key in being able to connect with your man in those difficult moments is to connect with how you feel, analyze it and accept it before you communicate it to him.
(Click here to take the quiz on “How Naturally Feminine Am I Actually?”)
Statements that bring a man closer Vs statements that push him away
Here’s an example that contrasts the difference between a statement that can push a man away and a statement that can bring him closer.
“I am hurt.” vs
“I am feeling hurt.”
The distinction is subtle, but if you say it out loud you’ll notice the difference.
Pain is universally understood…
This distinction focuses on the fact that while something like “pain” is universally understood, what actually is painful is a subjective matter.
“I stubbed my toe.” is just information. However…
“My foot hurts.” is an invitation to connect.
We all react in varying degrees to a stubbed toe. That stubbed toe may not be an issue to one person, but for another it may be excruciating.
However we can all relate to when something hurts.
We may not agree that a pin prick and a stubbed toe are equal injuries, but we can agree that when something hurts it causes you pain.
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First, understand your own feelings
It’s very hard for a man to understand your communication if you don’t first understand the truth of how you feel yourself.
Unwillingness to accept our feelings can result in an inability to share them with a man.
This in turn makes it difficult for others to connect with you, because it’s difficult to understand unless you share a common or mutual experience.
Pain is almost always a mutual experience amongst humans, even if the pain is felt to varying degrees.
This is to say that when it comes to men (anyone in general, but men) extending an invitation to connection is extending an invitation to visit a place of emotion.
On top of that, how we feel about our emotions affects how we express those emotions, and how those emotions are expressed can be high value or low value.
If you want more information on being a high value woman, here’s a great article on that topic.
The truth is that there is more value in an emotional expression that invites connection (for example: “this hurts”) versus one that just conveys facts (“That person called me xyz”)
As a side note, banter (or high value banter) is just using this form of connection playfully and a little more coyly.
Here’s an example…
“Did you slip something in my drink? I’m starting to find you a bit charming”
Versus
“I don’t open up very easily and I have boundaries so it will take a while for me to decide of I really like you. “
Both of these two scenarios have the same innate vulnerability at their deep core, but one shows acceptance of your own emotions, and acceptance of self.
It is also an invitation to share a connection, and the latter example is just plain information.
This reminds me of something the dating and relationship coach D.Shen said: “information is not value.”
Those were some examples of how you can express your feelings to a man in a way that allows you to connect with him, but they can also be examples of how to express your feelings to a man in a high value way.
I hope you enjoyed reading and I hope that these examples helped you.
Alice.