Isn’t it annoying (and heartbreaking) that a man can just decide to leave a woman out of the blue? And this is after giving her multiple signals that he’s interested in her.
Having given a woman signals of interest (and even investment), and then to suddenly disappear is uncalled for.
Particularly when you consider the fondness he has professed to have for yo. It seemed so…right? So how did it go so wrong?
Why do men ghost women?
Today, you are the center of this man’s world and tomorrow, for reasons you cannot exactly articulate, this same man is nowhere to be found.
No – he didn’t get lost, he just suddenly doesn’t have time for you anymore. This can be a disturbing experience, but don’t worry – you are not alone.
As “strange” as being ghosted is, there are reasons for it. And you will see them shortly.
But before that, you must know that romantic relationship is a domain of intentionality and effort – in other words, good relationships don’t happen by accident.
So any man that ghosts you does not deserve your attention as he has chosen no give himself to you.
Click here to know more about why men ghost good women…
This is not revenge of any sort, it is pure common sense – why would you keep pouring water into a leaking basket. It’s a waste of time.
Let’s see what exactly was on the minds of some of these men when they ghost you.
Table of Contents
#1: You Were A “Plan B” To Him
This seems to be the most obvious reason for the question, why do men ghost women? He probably sees you as one of the many ladies in the pool of potential partners he has in mind.
Once he finds what he is looking for in someone else who is not you, he exits. And rather than give you closure, he disappears. This is absolutely not your fault.
In fact, it’s normal for men to chat to this many women on dating apps at a time, and unless you make an effort to test guys early on, you may find yourself repeatedly ghosted.
It’s a harsh reality of modern dating, but once you get good at eliminating the low quality men, you’ll start to really have fun in online dating (that’s what happened to me!)
Whilst most men chat to many women online innocently, some men don’t have good intentions.
Some men see it as a game where they can strike conversations and initiate emotional attachments with many women.
And then leave them hanging after satisfying his curiosity. If he finds his desires in PLAN A woman, it is just natural that he begins to draw back from you, until he totally becomes a ghost.
And you’re left hung out to dry. Your emotional investment is now finding its way down the drain because a man decided to play games with you.
Once you sense this happening, you need to call the quits with him. It’s just best for your own mental health and emotional stability.
Always choose you. Move right along, proudly saying “next!”
MORE: Signs a Guy is Doing the Slow Fade: Spot the Subtle Clues.
#2: He Is Emotionally Irresponsible
Some men ghost you because they cannot bring themselves to have the conversation with you that they aren’t interested anymore.
It’s insensitive, but some men are like that – they just can’t muster basic emotional sensitivity. Their reason for ghosting is as simple as that – a lack of sensitivity and a lack of responsibility. They believe that when they have a conversation with you about how they feel about you, that it would cost them too much or that they would hurt you too much.
So, they rather disappear.
A man might not feel the same way that you feel about him, but he needs to let you know this. It is simply called being mature. Yet, you see, not all men are mature.
And those who fall in this category tend to be terrible and frequent “ghosters”. Which means you’re definitely not alone – and it’s definitely not personal to you.
Well, come to think of it, it’s good that he ghosted you. Don’t you think?
Sure, it is not fair on you. But you wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with a man that cannot hold basic conversations to move past an impasse.
The most interesting thing when it comes to these emotionally immature folks is that they might be really smart and intelligent people when it comes to other things. But when it comes to communicating their emotions? It’s time to log out.
Men being emotionally irresponsible in this way is one reason why many women get ghosted by men.
As a woman, many thoughts may begin to run through your mind. In particular, you may not be able to stop worrying that the ghosting is your fault.
It is not your fault in any way. In fact, his inability to communicate his stance or his feelings is everything to do with him, and nothing to do with you.
There really is nothing you can do for a man who feels he can disappear and re-appear.
But you can test to see how commitment friendly he is…
#3: He Has Low Self Esteem
Yup, this is another answer to the “why do men ghost women?” question. And it is usually because the man thinks the woman is too good for him. Once these thoughts begin to creep into his mind and he is not self-aware, he would most likely ghost you out of fear.
Fear of what?
Fear of not measuring up
Fear of not being able to meet your demands for commitment; and
Fear of having to be responsible to a quality woman!
A healthy amount of self-esteem makes a man self-contained and capable in adult relationships. Men like this do not attach their individual worth to anything or anybody external.
However, a man who has an inferiority complex lives life differently. Namely, he feels small, so he hides away and minimizes the risks of interacting with and investing in a good woman, so that he doesn’t have to feel worse.
A man with low self-esteem can still develop feelings for you. Of course, he is human and he would like something of value (you) just like anyone else.
But don’t be surprised if he runs away because he notices that you are too high caliber, or that you are doing so much better than him.
The “doing better than him” could be anything really. It could be financially, academically, politically, mentally etc. Instead of investing in you, he just withdraws into himself.
And something in his head tells him that “this woman is way out of my league”. So off he goes.
These men are not exactly bad people at heart. And chances are that men like this can be helped.
But if they were honest, they’re usually drawn to women who live frugally. These men make a U-turn when they see a woman who likes living large or who has an expensive lifestyle (this is not a bad thing by the way).
So if by chance see the signs that a man has low self-esteem, you could help consider helping him by appreciating his efforts in life.
Here are the 5 telltale signs a man has crippling low self-esteem.
Note that men with low self-esteem are different entirely from men with pure narcissism and ego.
#4: He Felt You Were Too Clingy
No one likes clingy. If you had a man who was clingy, you would probably leave him too, right?
As a woman, you should have a healthy degree of independence and self-awareness. Key word: should.
Because not every woman is that independent, and I don’t want to make you wrong if that is you. But it’s important to be aware of the fact that when you have no independence and are always latching on to him, that sends signals of low value.
CLICK here to discover the 7 common signs that a woman is perceived as low value in the eyes of men in this special report. (Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)
This signaling low value could make him ghost you, because it scares a man to have a woman of low value.
See, you might feel like you’re being friendly and loving to him, but if his feelings towards you and effort isn’t matching yours, then it’s no longer friendly and loving…it’s more likely that you’re being clingy – and clingy is not same as being affectionate.
Being clingy means that you are obsessed and uncalibrated to him. When you’re obsessed, then your partner’s every move has an effect on you and the slightest thing can send you off the rails (which makes the man feel under a lot of pressure).
When men sense this kind of obsession, the relationship becomes uncomfortable for them and they develop what is known as “negative associations” with you and the relationship.
If these negative associations are strong enough, they will want out. Moreover, the ghosting mode gets activated. It’s kind of like a fight or flight mode – he needs to get out and save himself before he gets in too deep.
You wouldn’t usually hear it from a man that the reason why he ghosted a woman is because she was clingy, because most men will be concerned that if they tell you this, life would become even harder for them.
It’s like there’s this under wrapped law in the male kingdom that forbids voicing this to women.
#5: You Didn’t Have What He Was Looking For
Most romantic relationships have a strong base in friendship. However, there are expectations from both partners in the relationship. It is very normal for you as a woman at the “getting to now each other” stage, to look for your personal specifications in a potential partner – in that man.
But mind you, you’re not the only one looking. The man is also actively observing your words, actions, values and perspectives. He would also be weighing up these observations about you side by side with his personal expectations in a potential romantic partner.
If you do not fit into his prospective partner specifications, he may not feel that there is a reason to pursue anything long-term between you two. So, some men just disappear completely.
And sometimes, you are left with many thoughts of inadequacy and a sense of emptiness. However, try to remember that the man’s preference in a long-term partner has nothing to you with your personal worth.
Many men ghost because they cannot find what they are looking for in the woman. At the same time, their individual taste or preferences should not invalidate your sense of self-value. Your value is not attached to any man.
#6: Personal Reasons For Him, Maybe.
If there is ever such a category as unintentional ghosting, maybe this falls under that category. With this reason, the man ghosted you because he was considering not being inconsiderate. And I think that is fair on you. Well, in a way.
Imagine a scenario where the man has shown obvious interest in you, romantically. Maybe you’ve even gone on a date or two and had some intimate conversations. That is nice, really nice. Now, also imagine if that man loses a really close friend few days later. There’s a mental discomfort for him. And maybe, just maybe, he’d like to share with someone.
However, he would try his possible best not to put his personal baggage in the beautiful thing he’s building with you. And don’t forget that he’s human too. He needs time to grief and process. So, he might be tempted to withdraw from you for a while. Now, that’s where the ghosting feeling comes in for you.
So, you as the woman, might feel very confused at how he claims to really like you and at the same time suddenly disappears. He had to, for personal reasons.
#7: He Got What He Wanted
Now, this is the most famous answer to “why do men ghost women”. It is probably the first reason you toyed with in your mind when you wondered why men ghost women. Nothing makes women feel more hurt and cheated than this reason.
When all the man wanted was a hookup but you have expectations of an actual relationship and didn’t test him to see his intent, ghosting is bound to occur. Even if your expectations are different, he would only act on what he sees you as.
One thing remains true: no hookup will get a man into a relationship, even if the sex was out of this world.
So, once the relationship was prefaced as a casual hookup (whether explicitly or implicitly), there’s practically no other role left for him to fulfil.
You guys are cool – to him. The man simply moves on. There won’t be any intimate talks from him.
Yes, that simple.
MORE: Why Do Men Distance Themselves After Intimacy? 5 Mysterious Reasons.
Men are naturally wired to be pragmatic. They only see the white and black. Not grey, not ash, only white and black. Women are wired differently. In a contrasting emotional make-up to men’s. This is why you might feel like there’s probably something in that casual hookup.
Hence, the overwhelming feeling of being ghosted buy a guy.
The hardest part about ghosting in this context is that it seems like he treats you like a burden now, perhaps he even avoids you outright.
He got what he wanted. And now he ghosts.
Nothing makes a woman feel more used than this. And I know you must have felt this way too if you’ve been in this situation before. So if this is you, remember to always test a guy…don’t ever assume that sex will make him develop any feelings for you, because it simply won’t. That’s not how men are wired.
CONCLUSION
Ghosting is never an emotionally mature thing to do, no matter how nicely we paint it.
And as you’ve seen, many men ghost women for the most “interesting” reasons. Regardless of the reasons why men ghost women, some men genuinely need to do better in the way they handle romantic relationships – casual or not casual.
No one likes (or deserves) to be left alone in an emotional desert to fend for themselves.
I had been dating this older man (11 years my senior) for 10 months when all of a sudden he started distancing himself from me until he finally started ghosting. I brought up my observations a couple of times to him and he always said that it was due to his job (company is on the edge of bankruptcy). I believed him and tried to be supportive, asked him if he need time for himself. He started cancelling our plans, didn’t want to see more than a couple of hours, always saying that the kids were around. Finally, he asked for time for himself. And I gave it to him. He went on a business trip (not sure anymore if that was really what happened) but when he came back I reached out to ask him how he was doing and how the business trip went. He was very evasive and I told him that we needed to talk because his behavior was not fair toward me. When I went to his house (he asked me to because apparently he was not feeling well – maybe another excuse to not have the conversation, he looked perfectly okay to me) he told me he lost the spark. And here I need to say that the first 6 months were amazing, he was attentive, a gentleman, he would cancel all his other plans to spend time with me. We would cycle around the city, go to parks, museums, restaurants. We would go to the theater and cinema. He was constantly making plans. However, he said a couple of times that I was more introverted than he was and that he was talking more than I was. Okay, I was never told this, not by my friends or other guys I dated. In fact, the previous men were very happy with the conversations and when we broke they said that this was the thing they missed about me, the conversations we had. Moreover, at about 5 months of dating him I asked him that we delete Tinder and focus on our relationship. His answer was that he was not seeing anyone else since he started dating me but he did not say that he would delete his tinder profile.
I of course was hurt and angry because during the last 4 months I initiated conversations about us, about where we were and what we were to each other but he never filled out the voids. I always felt like he was keeping me as an option, and maybe he did and when he found someone he likes being with more, he started behaving strangely.
I don’t want him back. What I really hope he understands is that he needs someone, a therapist, to talk to. This was his suggestion for me when I told him that he started ghosting me just the way my previous boyfriend did and although I told him it hurt a lot, he did the exact same thing.
How can a man, with two grown up daughters do this to a woman? Isn’t he scared that his daughters may experience the same bahvior from the guys they will be dating in the future?
Thanks for sharing