How To Get An Emotionally Unavailable Man To Chase You: 4 Proven Tips

Ever wondered how to trigger the chasing instinct in an emotionally unavailable man?

The truth about getting him to chase you is that it’s not magic; it’s strategy.

But the key to having the right strategy is understanding the emotionally unavailable guy.

In this blog post, we’ll share 12 proven tips on how to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you that will help you get that emotionally unavailable man to chase you, and ultimately, build a meaningful connection with him.

So buckle up and let’s dive into the world of emotionally unavailable men and learn how to make them fall head over heels for you!

Recommended reading: 6 Ultimate Signs An Emotionally Unavailable Man Is In Love With You.

Understanding Emotional Unavailability

Im sure that emotional unavailability is a familiar term to you, but what does it really mean?

It’s when someone finds it hard to open up about their feelings and struggles to understand the feelings of others.

You might have encountered an emotionally unavailable man before.

He is someone who has difficulty being vulnerable, and he is not good at expressing or displaying their feelings. He may not even value these things or understand why they’re important in a relationship.

But one question you should probably be asking yourself is: why are you (or any woman for that matter), drawn to these men?

The answer is complex, as various factors make you find such a man attractive.

Related: How to Turn The Tables When He Pulls Away In 11 Simple Steps.

Why Am I Attracted To Emotionally Unavailable Men?

  • Because you see his aloofness as a sign of masculinity and/or capability.
  • Because emotional unavailability creates a bit of mystery (at least in the beginning, as after a while it starts to get tiresome).
  • Because you have a bit of fear of intimacy yourself.
  • Because you’re anxiously attached and his emotional distance plays right into your anxiety. For many anxiously attached individuals, it’s what your nervous system feels at home doing (chasing the person who is distant).

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Defining Emotional Unavailability

It may seem mundane, but it’s important to get clear on what emotional unavailability is.

Emotional unavailability is a state where someone is unable to form close, intimate relationships due to factors such as:

  • Fear of commitment
  • Feeling a deep aversion to intimacy
  • Low self-esteem (even if they deny it or try to look super confident)
  • Internalizing emotions instead of sharing them; and
  • Having a critical mindset

These patterns can make it difficult for someone to connect with others and establish a deep emotional bond.

MORE: 13 Warning Signs of An Emotionally Unavailable Man.

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Common Causes of Emotional Unavailability In Men

Past hurt and trauma are often the root causes of emotional unavailability.

Individuals may close off emotionally to cope with difficult experiences, such as a divorce or a painful childhood.

In some cases, emotional unavailability may be a result of avoidant personality disorder, where someone avoids social situations due to fear of rejection or judgment.

These factors contribute to the development of emotional unavailability and may take time to overcome.

The other main cause of emotional unavailability is insecure attachment patterns.

If someone is securely attached, they are comfortable with intimacy, with emotions and with deeply connected relationships.

It doesn’t exhaust them or bother them much – in fact, they’re at home in these kinds of relationships.

Of course they still need space from time to time to pursue their interests and to recharge, but they never run from intimacy.

It’s the opposite with insecurely attached people. They are emotionally unavailable because their nervous system cannot cope with the intimacy.

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Effects of Emotional Unavailability on Relationships

I’m sure you’ve gathered by now that emotional unavailability can be damaging to relationships, leading to an unstable and exhausting dynamic for women.

Men who struggle with emotional unavailability may find it difficult to form close, intimate connections, to trust you (or anyone), or to express their emotions.

These factors create a painful and challenging environment for women.

You may relate when I say that women in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man often find themselves feeling alone and unsupported in the relationship.

The key to overcoming these obstacles is the following:

  1. Accepting that there’s a good reason why the emotionally unavailable man is the way he is (that pattern served him as a baby and as a child), rather than trying to force him to be different.
  2. Respecting and understanding the cause of emotional unavailability in your man so that you can solve the problem at its core, rather than making him feel bad or wrong for being the way he is.
  3. And implementing effective strategies for building trust and connection.

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How to Get An Emotionally Unavailable Man to Chase You

Getting an emotionally unavailable man to chase you is not impossible. You just need to bring the type of value to the relationship that is appealing to him.

Because he’s not going to be like a normal, securely attached guy.

You can’t just trigger sexual attraction in him and call it a day. You need to be more nurturing and understanding in your approach, if you will.

In a nutshell, you need to:

  • Build trust
  • Demonstrate a healthy independence within yourself
  • Encourage vulnerability, ultimately leading to a deeper emotional connection.
  • Behave in ways that build emotional attraction and emotional connection

Let’s explore some strategies for getting him to chase you right now.

Tip #1: Create Emotional Attraction

To make an emotionally unavailable man chase you hard, an essential ingredient is emotional attraction.

Emotional attraction basically means a man has developed romantic feelings for you.

And these romantic feelings are the key to getting him to chase you, because they’re the real deal.

In other words, he won’t just chase you because you’re acting unpredictable. Rather, he’ll chase you because he truly wants you!

Here’s how to do it:

  • Be willing to be vulnerable
  • Banter with him. Specifically, use the art of high value banter. Be gentle with banter at first, as an emotionally unavailable man will be more sensitive than a securely attached man. But the playfulness of high value banter is exactly what will get him chasing you hard. Here’s a free class on the dark feminine art of high value banter.

Tip #2: Demonstrate Healthy Independence Within Yourself

This one is going to be hard if you are insecurely attached yourself.

But know that I’m not asking you to be someone you’re not.

I’m just asking you to not be overly clingy, and to try to develop the skills of taking care of your own connection needs through avenues other than him.

This doesn’t mean you don’t need him anymore. It just means you’re capable of connecting with yourself through other ways.

Or even through other people.

Basically, fill up your connection needs in healthy ways, without being overly preoccupied with him, as this will make him more avoidant, more emotionally unavailable, and more stressed.

Another ay you can demonstrate independence is by developing your own ideas on things.

Overall, independence is an attractive quality that shows an emotionally unavailable man that you don’t rely on only him to be happy.

By maintaining your own interests and friendships, setting limits, and voicing your thoughts, you demonstrate confidence and self-sufficiency.

This independence can pique his interest and make him chase you, as he sees that you have a fulfilling life outside of the relationship. This is value to an emotionally unavailable guy.

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Tip #3: Encourage Vulnerability In HIM

Creating a safe space for vulnerability in him is key to helping an emotionally unavailable man open up.

Once he opens up, he’ll feel more connected to you and want to chase you more.

So how do you encourage vulnerability in such a closed-off man?

  • Be supportive of his goals, thoughts and ideas
  • Show that you can be understanding and patient as he navigates his emotional journey
  • Praise him for his bravery when he shares his feelings, and be open and honest about your own emotions
  • Actively look to relate to his stories, emotions and feelings if you can. This rewards him for being vulnerable

Doing these things encourages him to let down his guard and allows you both to build a deeper emotional connection.

If you can show him that you are there no matter what, you can inspire him to surrender himself and his emotions to the relationship with you.

Tip #4: Build Trust

Trust is an essential foundation for any relationship, and it’s especially crucial when dealing with an emotionally unavailable man (because by default he doesn’t really trust anyone, sadly).

To build trust with him, offer your vulnerability first. Lead with your vulnerability, in other words. You can do this by sharing your own stories of vulnerability or just having the ability to laugh at yourself.

Show him that you’re reliable and consistent. By demonstrating that you’re there for him when he needs you and that you have no hidden agendas, you create an emotional bond that makes him feel safe and confident in opening up to you

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Communication Techniques

Effective communication is essential when dealing with an emotionally unavailable man.

In this section, we’ll discuss three communication techniques that can help you connect with him on a deeper level.

Active listening involves listening to what the other person is saying without judgment or interruption.

It is important to be present and engaged in the conversation, and to be open to understanding the other person’s perspective.

Active Listening

Active listening is a vital communication skill that involves giving the speaker your full attention and responding in a way that shows you understand what they’re saying.

When communicating with an emotionally unavailable man, practice active listening by showing concern, paraphrasing to demonstrate understanding, and using nonverbal cues like nodding, eye contact, and leaning forward.

This approach helps create a safe and non-judgmental environment for him to express his emotions.

Non-threatening Conversations

Non-threatening conversations are essential in building trust with an emotionally unavailable man.

To create such conversations, ask open-ended questions that require thoughtful answers and avoid ultimatums.

Be mindful of your body language and tone, and approach the conversation from a place of interest and respect.

By doing so, you’ll encourage him to share his thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or rejection.

Encouraging Emotional Expression

An emotionally unavailable man may struggle to express his emotions, so it’s essential to create an environment that encourages emotional expression.

Praise him for sharing his feelings, and be open about your own emotions.

By doing so, you create a safe and supportive space that allows him to explore his emotions and develop a deeper connection with you.

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Nurturing the Relationship

To nurture a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man, it’s crucial to provide emotional support, establish boundaries, and exercise patience.

These strategies can help you build a strong foundation for your relationship and encourage emotional growth.

Providing Emotional Support

Being there for an emotionally unavailable man when he needs support is vital.

Offer understanding, empathy, and reassurance while setting boundaries and focusing on your own feelings.

By providing emotional support without pushing him too hard, you allow him to feel secure and safe in the relationship, fostering a stronger emotional bond.

Establishing Boundaries

Setting clear boundaries in the relationship is essential when dealing with an emotionally unavailable man. Be honest and direct about what you need from the relationship, and ensure he respects your boundaries.

By setting boundaries, you create a healthy and balanced dynamic that allows both of you to thrive and grow together.

Patience and Time

Patience and time are key when dealing with emotionally unavailable men. Taking things slow and giving him space to process his emotions can help him become more comfortable and willing to open up.

By respecting his boundaries and allowing him to set the pace of the relationship, you create a supportive environment for him to grow emotionally.

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Recognizing Progress In An Emotionally Unavailable Guy

Recognizing progress in an emotionally unavailable man is essential for understanding how the relationship is evolving.

In this section, we’ll discuss three signs of progress: increased openness, emotional growth, and a stronger connection.

Increased openness is a sign that the man is becoming more comfortable with expressing his feelings and thoughts.

He may be more willing to share his feelings and thoughts with you, or he may be more willing to share his feelings and thoughts with you.

Increased Openness

Increased openness is a sign that an emotionally unavailable man is starting to trust you and is willing to share his thoughts and feelings.

He may begin to share more personal information or feelings and soften up, becoming more present and available.

Noticing these changes demonstrates that your efforts are paying off and that he’s beginning to open up to you.

Emotional Growth

Emotional growth in an emotionally unavailable man signifies that he’s becoming more comfortable with expressing his emotions. He may display increased emotional vulnerability and communication, as well as a willingness to engage with and reciprocate love in a fulfilling way.

Recognizing this growth shows that your relationship is evolving and that he’s becoming more emotionally invested.

Stronger Connection

A stronger connection is a sign that an emotionally unavailable man is beginning to see you as an important part of his life. He may prioritize spending time with you, make future plans, and express strong feelings for you.

Recognizing a stronger connection demonstrates that your efforts are working and that your relationship is becoming more stable and loving.

Dealing with Setbacks

Setbacks are a natural part of any relationship, especially when trying to get an emotionally unavailable man to commit.

It’s important to manage expectations, support his emotional journey, and know when to move on.

Understanding the emotional needs of an emotionally unavailable man can be difficult.

It’s important to be non judgmental, patient and understanding while also setting boundaries and expectations. It’s also important to recognize when it’s time.

Managing Expectations

Don’t pressure an emotionally unavailable man with your expectations. They will add to the stress in his already stressed nervous system (which all avoidants have).

It’s also important to take things slow and not pressure him into commitment, as this can make him feel even more anxious and cause him to shut down and pull away.

By setting realistic expectations and focusing on building trust and connection, you create a healthy environment for the relationship to grow.

Knowing When to Move On

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, an emotionally unavailable man may not be ready to chase you down and commit. It’s important to know when to move on and focus on what’s best for you.

If he’s not willing to put in the effort to work on himself and open up, it may be time to search for someone who wants all of you and appreciates your worth.


In conclusion, attracting an emotionally unavailable man requires vulnerability on your part, understanding, patience, and non judgemental, accepting communication.

By implementing the strategies and techniques discussed in this post, you can create emotional attraction, build trust, demonstrate independence, and encourage vulnerability, ultimately nurturing a deep and meaningful connection with the emotionally unavailable man in your life.

Remember, it’s not about changing him; it’s about creating an environment where he feels safe and supported to grow emotionally.

And with these tips in your arsenal, you’ll be well on your way to making that emotionally unavailable man fall for you.

Frequently Asked Questions

How to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you again?

It can be tough to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you, but it’s definitely possible! Keep patience, focus on building trust, resist the urge to label the relationship and take the pressure off him.

Create sexual tension and stay busy with your own life while pursuing other relationships. Show him that you have hidden depths and don’t forget to flirt and give compliments!

Can emotionally unavailable men catch feelings?

Yes, emotionally unavailable men can catch feelings. It might take some time and effort on your part to help them recognize their own emotions and learn how to express them. But with understanding and patience, these relationships can be very rewarding and lead to lasting love.

What does an emotionally unavailable man want?

Here’s what they do want:

  • A sense of safety
  • Love (no matter how much they try to deny it or act like they’re above it); and
  • Sex

Here’s what they don’t want:

Emotionally unavailable men generally don’t want to commit and make an effort in a relationship.

They are usually afraid of being hurt and, as a result, will look for the perfect partner so that they don’t have to risk getting emotionally attached.

Ultimately, these types of men want to protect their feelings and avoid vulnerability at all costs.

Do emotionally unavailable men run away?

It’s often said that emotionally unavailable men can run away and disappear.

They initially display passionate interest, but when you want to get closer to them, they often distance themselves or withdraw completely.

Unfortunately, yes, emotionally unavailable men do run away.

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