What are some things You Can do to Keep the Faith that There ARE Good Men in the Dating Pool?
So many of my clients come to me with the exact same worry, and it goes something like this:
I keep hearing these words from men again for the 100th time, and I’m sick of it!
Men always say “you are everything I wished for, and everything I want in life… you are incredible… you are so beautiful and im so I’m attracted to you… but I’m not in love and this doesn’t work”…
Or something like this: “You’re great. You’re amazing. You’re highly attractive. You’re beautiful! Any man would be lucky to have you…but I’m just not in love with you and I don’t have time for you”
A lot of my clients here these same lines from different men so many times that they become dumbfounded.
One lovely lady, aged 36, said to me: I know I’ve grown so much as a person. I know I’ve shown these men my vulnerability, yet, I still get the same result that I’ve gotten over and over again for my whole life!
I got therapy and I did journaling. I got deeper into my wounds, into my past relationships and grieved the pains and losses.
But, this pattern just keeps repeating itself. No matter what I do, it seems like it’s never “enough” for a man, and I have experienced this over and over again in my past relationships.
The women who have tried EVERYTHING to get a man to commit
Understandably, these women are tired.
They’ve tried online dating (which some people say is better than flesh dating), they’ve tried expressed themselves and being authentic, they’ve done the leaning back in a relationship.
They’ve been traveling to meet new men and they’ve tried new things. Yet they still hear the same thing:
“You’re awesome. But I don’t feel in love with you.”
These are smart and self-sufficient women who are fulfilled in their career, have great friends, live in a positive, healthy and enriching environment, but still…nothing.
They feel like no matter what they do in their romantic life, they feel hopeless. They feel like no matter what they do, or even not do, they will never experience deep love with a man.
The difficult thing is that these women want a family too. They are done with everything they need to do in their life, and they are more than ready to welcome a high value man into their life and having children with him.
The question still remains in their mind….”what is it about me that cannot get a man to love me and commit to me?!”
Here’s some realizations I’ve recently come to about women in this situation.
Think about the TYPE of Man you’re attracting
While so many women assume that they are the problem, and they do everything they can to move past their struggles, maybe some of their work is also in refining the image of the man they want to draw in.
If they are continually bringing men into their lives who are themselves saying they are everything they could hope for, but they just can’t love these women the way they deserve, then maybe the real problem lies in their view of the type of partner they believe they deserve.
Limiting beliefs…
Another possibility is that these beautiful, successful and well meaning ladies actually have limiting beliefs about love that are obstructing their sense of fulfillment with men.
Limiting beliefs such as “no matter what I do, I will never experience deep commitment from a man.”
Our answers often lie in the story that we tell ourselves over and over. In this case, this limiting belief, this story, only holds you down as a woman and dulls your radiant feminine energy and ability to show up as a high value woman and make him realize your value.
So, if you have been telling yourself a similar story to what some of these ladies have, it’s a good idea to stop telling yourself that story.
Don’t give it fuel. Don’t buy into it anymore. Say no.
It’s a belief that’s not true even if it didn’t work out with a man (or men).
Your life is just the way it’s supposed to be right now. Trust life. Enjoy where you’re at and ask yourself a new question:
“What would I like to believe instead?”
Or: “What’s more useful to tell myself?”
Every time that old tape replays, ask yourself, “is this really true?”
“Is this limiting belief worth the energy I give it and put into it?”
All you need is just one guy. Only ONE!
If things didn’t work out with past men, then it’s just means that they were not right for you.
Lastly, I wanted to share that I’ve been there. I didn’t find my ‘one and only’ until I was 34. That was much later than I ever anticipated I would find the right man.
But, it’s interesting because just before I met him, I made a major change in how I approach men, and what I chose to believe about dating and love and men in general.
I decided I wasn’t going to settle for limiting beliefs ever again.
So here’s what I did before I found Michael…
I watched YouTube videos of people getting married. Young and old.
I consciously chose to see the love, togetherness and commitment that was already occurring all around me, that I may not have noticed before due to my old limiting beliefs and past bad experiences. I watched lots of videos of men proposing to women. Some made me cry, some made me cringe, but at least they fed positive stories to my mind.
And when I was upset with online dating or down on creepy men, I’d watch videos of good, high quality men saving animals or people.
I’d also make an effort to notice men in real life volunteering for a cause, of helping people who needed the help in the moment. I quietly sent them my appreciation.
I also focused on activities to release any emotions clouding me. Activities like yoga, Reiki, breathwork, EFT etc. Then I journaled the traits I wanted in a healthy masculine man and asked myself if I also embodied those traits.
3 months later, I actually met Michael completely by chance and unexpectedly through a work colleague. And now, 3 years later, we are married and happy.
I hope this gives you some food for thought. Leave me a comment if this resonates.
– Alice.